All The Dumbass Things Non-Asian People Say To Me

Photo by Human Being Productions

Photo by Human Being Productions

Hiya!  I have some new, actual articles coming out this week.  (I promise!) 

In the meantime, I felt inspired while writing to paint a picture of how annoying, frustrating and terrifying it can be at times to be an Asian person in a country like America.  So . . . 

Here are some lists of all the stupid things non-Asian people have said to me over the years.  (Okay fine, MOST of the things.  I don't think I pay for enough pages on this site to list ALL of the dumbass things people have said to me.)

Top 10 dumbass things non-Asian people have said to me because I'm Asian:

10.  "You're so exotic looking!"
9.  While working at a temp job: "Good morning, Cori-san!"
8.  "Why don't Asians like black people?" 
7.  Talking to my ex: "My mom says she thinks Asian-White mixed babies are the most beautiful babies.  Isn't that         nice of her to say?"
6.  While ringing up a non-Asian woman at work: 
     Woman:  I'm sorry I don't mean to stare, I just think you're so beautiful. 
     Me: (Caught off-guard)  Oh, thank you! 
     Woman: You know, I was watching a documentary on Vietnam this week and all of the women were beautiful          just like you.

5.  "You're Asian, you're practically white."
4.  "Filipinos are like the blacks of Asia.  You're dark, you like fried foods . . ."
3.  While ringing up an elderly couple at an old job, I had to tell them that we didn't accept American Express. 
     Old Woman: Why didn't you tell us that before you rang us up?! 
     Old Man: She must not speak English very well.
2.  While talking to an old high school mate about her fiancee: "He's Korean!  Isn't he beautiful?  When I was a kid,       I always wanted to be Asian.  But now, I get to have little Asian babies!  I'm so excited!"
1.  Talking to an ex's mother: "I can tell that my son is absolutely smitten by you.  I don't know if you know what the      word 'smitten' means, but it's a white people word and it means he's head over feet for you."

Top 10 dumbass and downright terrifying things non-Asian men have said and done around me because I'm an Asian woman:

10.  While driving down the street on a hot summer's day with my windows rolled down: "How do you say
      'beautiful' in Japanese?"
9.  "Why don't Asian women date black men?"
8.  Talking to a former friend while in a room full of Asians: "Look at all that beautiful, yellow skin!"
7.  The same former friend talking about a group of Asian women he found unattractive: "All that yellow skin gone       to waste!"
6.  While talking to a man at a bar, his male friend said, "Yeah, she's Asian.  She's a freak in bed."
5.  While serving tables, a man turns to me mid-laugh and, referring to his non-Asian female companion, said, 
     "Don't mind her.  She's just being difficult.  She's not submissive, like you Eastern women."
4.  While working at the mall and handing out samples of chocolate:
     Awkward Man: If you don't mind my asking, what country are you from?
    Me: I was born in the Philippines.
    Awkard Man: I knew you were Filipino.  I'm actually going to the Philippines myself in a couple of months. 
   Me:  Oh, Cool!  What for? 
   Awkward Man: To find a wife.

3.  An Ex:  I always thought that if I dated an Asian woman, she'd be more grateful for me.
     Me:  Why exactly? 
     Ex:  Well, don't Asian men treat women terribly?

2.  While carrying several bags of groceries from my car to the front door, I was approached by a random man on       the street: "Hey beautiful!  How are you?  I just want to let you know that I think you're beautiful.  I know we're         not the same race or nothin' but I could take care of you.  I'm a good guy.  You know, I'm not much to look at,         but that don't matter.  I'd treat you right . . ." He went on and on, stalking me from my car to the front door
     despite the fact that I was struggling to carry all of my groceries.  As I was panicking and trying to figure out
     how to get him away from me before I entered my house, another man across the street called him over, I'm           assuming to distract him from me so I could enter my house unharmed.
1.  An ex: "My little Asian slut."

What about you, my dear Asian friend?  What are some dumbass things non-Asian people have said to you?